| Stella's Newsletters |
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WELCOME TO ED-UNIQUE COACHING NEWSLETTERS! These monthly newsletters are geared to educate and inform those who are interested in personal growth, becoming "unstuck" in areas of life that block our happiness, development of our inborn potential and that interfere with healthy relationships. The quality of our lives depend almost entirely on the quality of our relationships. Sadly many people do not access the help they need to address challenges, problems and issues they face in life. I know how hard it is to put out one's hand for help. I have had to do that. It was the best thing that ever happened to me, in retrospect. I know that it takes courage to look at our lives and to make meaningful changes. I know how difficult it is. I also know how valuable it is and worth every effort that it takes. My work as a Life Coach is extremely fulfilling. I get to study the subject I love - psychology! I get to spend time working on myself and finding ways to pass this knowledge on to others. According to Carl Rogers, the "Good Life" is not a destination - it is a journey! And so - I design monthly newsletters to pass on information that can help one identify areas to change and to highlight relevant issues in today's world. If you would like to subscribe to our newsletters : send us an email :
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NEWSLETTERS 2012 March 2012: What does a Psychologically "fully functioning" person look like? "I am not growing old; I am old and growing". Carl Rogers Over the last two months we have discussed difficult personalities and personality disorders, but now we could explore what it means to be "fully functioning". What is normal behaviour? What is the ideal to which we should strive? What does a fully functioniong person look like - psychologically speaking?
We all know difficult people. However, did you know that some personalities are actually a "Disorder"? If you suspect that you are in a relationship with someone who does have such a disorder, it is important that you seek assistance in learning how to deal with the behaviours and establish boundaries for your own self protection. What are these "disorders".
Do you know someone who is chronically miserable? someone who is always involved in some form of conflict or another? Someone who manipulates others into doing things their way? Someone who controls others through fear or bullying tactics? Someone who blames everyone else for their problems and has no insight as to their contribution to the problem? Someone who is so scared of rejection or criticism that they will withdraw from people to avoid confrontation? Someone who has a compulsion to "rescue lame ducks" or is so "clingy" that they can't stand up on their own two feet? This begs the question : What is "normal" and what is not? NEWSLETTERS 2011 November 2011 I was woken up this morning with devastating news that someone I knew 30 years ago, committed suicide yesterday. What a tragedy! A real gentle lady - as I recall - with a loving family. The first question we ask is always "why"? Well it sounds like a major depression & breakdown for which the person refused to take antidepressants. There are obviously many factors to this case of which I am unaware and not in a position to pass judgment - but it got me thinking about why so many people refuse to take medication for depression and why they prefer to choose misery over health. Let me tell you what I know about depression.......... as I have been there and manage a dysthymic disorder which is a mild but chronic form of depression, often involving a genetic predisposition. October 2011 Human relationships are the essence of our existence, and the quality of our life depends on the quality of our relationships. Despite our great need for fulfilling relationships, they are often filled with turmoil, are destructive, complicated, unfulfilling and a minefield that makes every day a challenge to negotiate. Come with me and let us explore some of the "games" we play in relationships.......... "Catch me if you can".... "No speaks"....."Control freak".... "The victim".... "Yes but..." ......... to name a few. September 2011 Did you know that South Africa is one of the most dangerous countries in the world that is not a war zone? It is estimated that a woman born in South Africa has a greater chance of being raped than learning how to read! Between 28 and 30 percent of adolescents reported that their first sexual encounter was forced. The chances are extremely high that you and I will experience a traumatic event in our lives, or someone very close to us will. The question is: How are we going to handle it? August 2011 Stress, depression, anger, frustration, hurt and jealousy are some of the negative emotions that we all experience from time to time. Did you know that negative emotions can actually be our friends? Did you know that it is only when we stop, listen and acknowledge these "negative" emotions that we can resolve them in a positive way? It is when we deny these feelings, pretending that they do not exist, blame others for them or choose to wallow in them without understanding that it can cause relationship shipwreck, personal mental, emotional and even physical breakdown. So what could some of these messages be? What are these emotions telling you and I? July 2011 Do you and I have the courage to look into the "mirror" and to see ourselves as we truly are? I am not talking about the mirror in your bathroom. The "mirror" I am talking about is the one that looks deep inside and knows who we are, why we do what we do and also allows us to see ourselves as others see us. This mirror shows up both our strengths and our weaknesses. Change can only begin with awareness and insight. June - No newsletter May 2011 Real life can take a lot more energy that the energy used by an Oscar winning actor or actress. Why? Because, while the actor immerses him or herself in one character at a time, in real life many of us are turning ourselves inside out to please any number of significant people in our lives. We become the proverbial chameleon that changes color depending on the company we keep. We hide our feelings, we pretend to be happy when we are not, we focus all our energy on appearing calm on the outside, while inside there is turmoil, confusion, frustration, anger, irritation, depression and stress. And so we put our mask on and pretend that all is well.... Why do we do this? How can we recognize what is authentically ourselves and what is our "masked" role? April 2011 We are the architects of our life. So how does your building look? Are you miserable, stressed, irritated, frustrated, downhearted... just not happy? So many of us feel trapped by circumstances and do not see a way to change things. The fact is that we do have a great deal of freedom - not least of all, is the freedom to choose our reactions. Failure to choose constructively is a sure pathway to misery. Negative and self destructive talk can undermine our self esteem and result in a downward spiral to depression - plain misery! So how can you and I make a good job of being miserable? Here are 50 sure ways, guaranteed! March 2011 Do you have someone driving you crazy? Are you well and truly frustrated, irritated or offended by someone? Are you doing things for others that you really do not want to do? Do you battle to say "No"? Having honest conversations is one thing most of us are petrified of. Many of us would rather have a tooth pulled out without anesthetic than have an honest conversation with someone. We will put up with an inordinate amount of emotional suffering and internal chaos rather than tell someone how we really feel. February 2011 ...are some of the most insidious words that can deceive us and keep us shackled like a prisoner in chains. does your life feel like a series of "ought, must or cants"? Do you wake up in the morning and think of all the things that you just "have" to do and it becomes an endless list of obligations? Do you know the difference between living authentically or in-authentically? How are your relationships with a spouse, partner, friend, child or parent? Are they toxic and unhealthy or constructive and fulfilling? Are you a controller or are you being controlled? The frightening thing is that we only know what we know and knowing what a good relationship should look like can be quite a foreign concept for those who have been conditioned and defined by existing in an abusive relationship. Unhealthy relationships rob us of our confidence and damage our sense of self worth. Applauding your progress! Many of you have had such great insights and been motivated to make fundamental changes in your relationships, your goals and your vision for the future. For some of you, it has taken great courage to put your hand out for help and I salute you – as I know how difficult it is to be in the vulnerable position of asking for help or finding oneself in a “dark place” or as one of you said… “I think I am going to loose it!”
Did u know that 90% of people fired from their jobs are fired, not because of their inability to do the job, but because they lack the ability to get on with others? Fact! Did you know that 20% of our success is related to our IQ and 80% to our EQ? Fact! "In the last decade or so, science has discovered a tremendous amount about the role emotions play in our lives. Researchers have found that even more than IQ, your emotional awareness and abilities to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships." --John Gottman, Ph.D. August 2010 Newsletter The way we do business has changed. We have faced one of the worst global recessions ever. Millions have become unemployed and in the face of stiff competition, and changing markets, ALL businesses have had to reassess their position, tighten expenditure, justify or reorganize staff complements, reformulate strategies and internal systems and reposition themselves for survival in the rapids of change. June 2010 Newsletter "That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending - performing. You get to love your pretence. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act - and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession."—Jim Morrison May 2010 Newsletter Feelings are our navigation tools for life. To deny feelings is to deny learning. Our feelings alert us to our emotional wellbeing. Without feelings we would be robots, not humans. However, from small many of us are told:
April 2010 Newsletter For many of my clients, the setting of boundaries seems to be the root cause of many unsatisfying relationships and inner turmoil. Women especially seem to find difficulty in establishing appropriate boundaries that enhance relationships and in turn protect themselves emotionally and mentally.
To cope with the demands of life, we need to adapt to change. Like it or not, life is all about change. The weather changes, people change, the market place changes, we all grow, we live, and we also die. For you and I |
